LIES LEARNED IN SEX EDUCATION & CAUSES OF DEPRESSION IN WOMEN #Chapter2 #31

Lies learned in sex education can lead to major causes of depression in women. In this powerful discussion on intimacy, marriage, and emotional health, Jennifer Stirling-Campbell, Aubrey Svedin, and Joseph Anderson explore the complexities of waiting until marriage for sex. They tackle societal pressures, the influence of oxytocin in emotional bonding, and the long-term effects of premarital intimacy on relationships and divorce rates. The conversation also dives into cohabitation, emotional clarity, biological clocks, the impact of abortion, and the importance of educating children about healthy relationships. With a blend of scientific insight and spiritual reflection, this conversation encourages intentional decision-making, emotional maturity, and commitment rooted in personal and divine guidance.

View all LINKS and supporting content mentioned in this episode HERE:
https://imaquarius.com/sex-education-causes-of-depression-in-women-chapter2-31/

00:00 – Why Waiting Until Marriage Is Still Relevant Today
01:09 – Breaking Down Common Lies About Love and Intimacy
03:36 – The Hidden Dangers of Early Sexual Activity
05:35 – How to Talk to Kids About Sex and Relationships
11:09 – Emotional Bonding and Gender Differences in Sex
20:10 – Are Men and Women Really Equal in Relationships?
28:17 – What Women Need to Know About HIV and “Safe Sex” Myths
38:07 – Premarital Sex, Divorce Rates, and What the Data Really Shows
46:26 – The Power of Commitment and Finding the Right Partner
58:52 – Career, Family Planning, and the Emotional Impact of Abortion

Aubrey's Website: https://www.celestialmindsetcoaching.com
Joseph's Website: https://www.josephanderson.co

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Chapters

• 0:00 Why Waiting Until Marriage Is Still Relevant Today
• 1:24 Breaking Down Common Lies About Love and Intimacy
• 3:51 The Hidden Dangers of Early Sexual Activity
• 5:50 How to Talk to Kids About Sex and Relationships
• 11:24 Emotional Bonding and Gender Differences in Sex
• 20:25 Are Men and Women Really Equal in Relationships?
• 28:32 What Women Need to Know About HIV and “Safe Sex” Myths
• 38:22 Premarital Sex, Divorce Rates, and What the Data Really Shows
• 46:41 The Power of Commitment and Finding the Right Partner
• 59:07 Career, Family Planning, and the Emotional Impact of Abortion

Transcript

0:15

Women are given whitewashed advice, sugar-coated lies, oversimplifications, and false reassurance by peers, doctors, therapists, and society at large. So listen up, ladies. Here we go. Good morning! Today I have invited Aubrey Svedin and Joseph Anderson to discuss a highly controversial topic. let's start with a Facebook post that Aubrey posted, I don't know, a months ago. Okay, so I posted this Facebook post on my personal page and it blew up, a friend of mine shared an image with a whole bunch of words above it It says, some men will make you believe they like you just to have sex with you. The best way to avoid these men is to wait until marriage. Nothing will weed out bad actors better than having a man wait. Your body and intimacy are worth far more than just a man dating you casually. And I took a screenshot of that and I posted it on my Facebook and above it I said, let's make the conversation about waiting for marriage normal again. As a single mom dating, I will be waiting till marriage, not because I'm being manipulated by religion, but simply I'm done being manipulated by men. And it blew up in a way that I should have seen coming. But surprisingly, it felt as if everybody thought I was shaming them for not waiting with that post. And so I was talking with Jen about it as everything was unfolding during that time and... it has led to today and this conversation we're having here. I did episode last week where I talk about joy and that the best possible ways, statistically studies have shown that delayed gratification is actually the key to joy, whether that's training for a marathon or waiting for marriage to have sex. So that's why I wanted to include this. It's kind of an unusual episode for this podcast because most people watching, these are probably choices you've already made. However, there is healing after we do things that maybe harm us. And this podcast is also very much geared towards women because of the way that women in particular are affected by these choices. Men are also affected too, which is why we invited Joseph to share that male perspective. And thank you again for being here, Joseph and Aubrey. That is kind of what led me to today. And also the fact that while we can't take back the choices we made in our past, we can start talking about these things more transparently. We can teach our daughters. We can teach our sons. We can start to change the way society views these things and expose the lies we are being taught. And we're going to talk about six of those lies today. the Swinging or being married but having an open marriage, these things are quite popular, but they don't work and we can show you scientifically why they don't work. You can want them to work all you want, but the science has been pretty clear. I'm going to be using a book quite a bit called Unprotected by Miriam Grossman for some of the statistics and we have other articles as well that show again specifically how these things are Women especially in a very negative way. First lie. Kids are going to have sex no matter what we do, so it's pointless to teach them otherwise. Why try? Just teach them safe sex, Lie number one. So my thoughts on this, first of all, is that I was taught not to have sex before marriage and I did make it. It's quite rare these days. I think it was 27, 22 % in the 70s, waited till marriage. It's now 5%, ladies and gentlemen. I was one of the survivors that made it to 5%. Now that didn't fix the marriages. I have failed marriages, two of them, but I still believe that it prevented other. mental, spiritual, emotional harm me as well as physical. But I can attest that I was able to wait and it wasn't always easy, but that was a choice I made as a child. And because I made it as a child, I didn't depart from it. I feel like it takes that. If you don't teach your children these principles, they'll grow up if they're left with the option, they are probably going to have sex because it's an inner drive that we all have. Any other comments about that? I think that... regardless, should still teach kids that, you know, regardless of the choices they're going to make. Yeah, I mean, I'm definitely one the five percenters as well, you know? And so, yeah, like, why wouldn't you teach them that? At least try. They may not listen, but at least give them the information. And I think that's again what we're going to be doing today. Would I show this podcast to my children? I actually would because I think the information is extremely valuable and I wish I'd known it. Even though I didn't make that choice, it would have given me all the more ammunition to be like, no, I really don't want to make that choice. I think eight plus maybe. And don't just sit them in front of the podcast and push play and leave. Maybe. sit with them and talk about this information with them as they have questions, stop and go. But I personally would. That's just me. But I want to be the one to teach them, not someone else. And it's getting to the point in our society where if you're not teaching them at a very young age, they're going to get it somewhere else. That's just kind of the way it is. Yeah. So I am unfortunately not part of that 5%. I experienced... intimacy, sex, before marriage as a teenager and I did not have a safe adult to talk to about this whole experience. I did not trust the adults within my life and and so the experience that I had when I stepped into that world was actually very, very detrimental and I've had to do a lot of therapy on those first couple of years and it wasn't actually consensual and I didn't know that because I didn't have an adult who was comfortable or I felt comfortable to speak with and safe to talk to about my experience. And so when it comes to my parenting today, do teach wait until marriage with my son, but I make sure that I'm that safe adult and I explained to him why wait? What are the lies of not waiting that are being told? I've explained to my son these lies that we're going to be going over today and why it's important to wait and what's detrimental there. And he comes to me and he talks to me I give him that safe space. Yeah. other hand, if parenting is too rigid, too black and white, you're a bad person if you do this, shame and the guilt and that kind of thing, that's... No, no! But that can be just as detrimental as not talking at all. Yes. And so a lot of what this lie stems from, I think, these people who tell this lie to everybody, just let them, the kids are going to have sex, just talk to them about safe sex. It's because they were not given a safe space to talk to about their experiences They became the bad person because they chose those actions when I truly believe that, as humans, we make poor choices. That doesn't mean we are bad people. And I believed when I made specific decisions as a teenager that it was my fault and I was a bad person. So I couldn't go to my parents because I didn't feel safe. Mm-hmm. And you bring up a good point, like, you know, the whole bad person idea. When we're younger, you're kind of taught, if you have any thoughts about sex whatsoever, then it's, you're like, you're really bad. You know, and especially when, you know, and I'm, what's that? You're perverted, know, or don't talk about that. That's off limits. We don't talk about that. We don't say the word sex. Yeah. and like, you know, and so you have any sort of thought, which believe it or not, is the only thought that you're coded and programmed to have so that we do further human race. You're a bad person. And not only that, that, you know, that the Savior had to suffer for that. And I, know, and I look at things so differently now. Like I look at it even, you know, back then, the Savior wouldn't have been like Joseph. I cannot believe that you're having the only thought that I've programmed you to have, you're a horrible person. You know, I think it's nothing of the sort. It's like, okay, yeah, you're human. You're having these thoughts. You don't necessarily need to dwell on them, but you're not a bad person for having these thoughts. I think that it's a good person who wants to procreate and have a family it's natural. think married men and women can have these thoughts even about people who aren't their partner and can have a lot of shame about that, which we don't want to dwell on that, but to recognize it and say, no, thank you. I'm choosing my spouse on a regular basis. It's just, again, it's that testing and trying and becoming someone better than we are today. And we don't have to shame ourselves for those inclinations. We just don't act on them. Yeah. when I have I have a friend he's chosen to live a different lifestyle. And he even told me one time, he's like, Joseph, before, I have sex with a girl, know, the adversary tells me I'm not a man if I don't do it. and after he's had sex with a girl, he's like, you're a worthless piece of trash. know, so it's no matter what you do, he's gonna make you feel bad about it. The master of all lies. And that's where all these lies come from. So I want to also add to this a few statistics that intercourse at an early age is dangerous for girl teens. The immature cervix has a larger transformation zone, which provides a larger target area than if you wait until you're older. The young also contains cells that are more susceptible to infection. Additionally, we've heard of STDs. There's about 20 of them. Chlamydia, about 80% of women who have it think they're fine, which is what makes it so scary. And there's no pain, no fever, no discharge. You could even get pregnant at an early stage of, I believe, of having it. So girls who get pregnant maybe have an abortion or miscarriage think they're fine, and then years later they're trying to start a family and they find that they're infertile. So it's nothing to sneeze or laugh at or take lightly. the reason that chlamydia does this is that it has HSP and the white cells memorize architecture of this HSP, which I'm not even sure what that is, but it's a foreign antibody of some sort. And then the egg that's fertilized has a very similar makeup of this HSP and so the body attacks it. So that's why can happen. So our next lie, is, but I'll lose him or he will lose interest in me if I don't have sex with him. that he's not worth it. If so, if somebody ever tells you or even like more importantly, that you think that's going to happen because you don't even know, like you can have all these thoughts. We have so many thoughts running through our head all the time and 99 % of them aren't even true. And so we have these thoughts like, my goodness, I'm to lose this person. if, I don't have sex with them and it's like, Yeah, if anyone's pressuring you into that, then they're not. like the thoughts in your head, right? mean, but I was meaning even like outside of that, like if anyone's ever pressuring you, like it's not, they are not your person. just let them go. They're not worth it. So when it comes to my experience, I feel like I'm like... I'm not a spring... vulnerability, Aubrey. You are amazing. When it comes to my experience, one of the many reasons, and I'm not ashamed, but it did take me quite a few relationships to realize why I wanted to wait till marriage and why I put that boundary in place. And one of those experiences was I had ended up dating this man. And after we became intimate couple of months in, was hesitant at first. And I did want to wait, but I just did not feel like I could put that boundary down. I was not ready to. And so we became intimate and a couple months in we were talking about how I was hesitant when we first started dating and I didn't want to. And he boldly said, had you waited a couple more weeks, I would have gone away. I would have gone and dated someone else. I would have left. And it hit me at that point. I'm all like, Well that's not very nice, what about, like you don't like my personality, like what's going on here? And after that relationship ended, it became very clear to me, because that was a very unhealthy, unhealthy relationship. Had I waited, it would have weeded him out of my life and I would not have experienced that relationship. And I would have known early on that he was not the one for me because of how he treated me. And he would not have been the kind of man I wanted in my life and that relationship was the memory that came up when I posted that post on Facebook was because that man said he would have left had I waited not have intimacy with him and that would have saved me a whole six months six months you guys of my life Which put me back in therapy So, yeah, let him go. If you're gonna lose him or her, if she, because women do pressure men as well. Women come in, they pressure men and if man does not want, unfortunately the world that we live in today, women expect it. And if men are wanting to wait, they don't want it. They don't, they're gonna go off and find someone else as well. they're not the type of person for you, let them go. And I have the experience that kind of on the other end where I refused to have have sex before marriage and especially in between my marriages where I was an older person dating, I found that my relationships that would would begin and they'd say, yeah, I can totally respect, waiting but they really thought I would cave in. And so when they realized that I wouldn't, they would leave and it felt discouraging. But at the same time, like Aubrey said, I think had I given in, they were going to leave anyway. It wasn't the kind of man that I wanted to keep. they were more about getting something from me than a mutual relationship. Additionally, I found that me waiting was actually more attractive to men. And maybe Joseph, you can attest to this. the ones that left, was just like, kind of like, yeah, whatever. low quality in general, I could see that in hindsight. But me saying no actually kept them chasing me longer. And the ones who really wanted me were willing to commit and willing to commit ultimately to marriage. My second marriage did not work out, but that was the case with my second marriage. respected my boundaries and he was willing eventually to marry me. Same with my third marriage, which is going fabulous. And it's too badly, I always wanted to just have intimacy with one person. That wasn't what happened with me. And suppose I want to say I've forgiven myself. I'm sure there's still more there that I can work through. But Joseph, can you testify to this? That it's more attractive, that the chase is more real when she won't give you what you want, necessarily, in terms of the physical? I'm super curious about what you just said. Why would you have to forgive yourself for marrying people and realizing that it didn't work out? That doesn't make any sense to me. Why would you have to forgive yourself? it's just, you know, the things we do to ourselves. I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes. We hyperfixate sometimes on those things. And again, I'm just validating that that's a reality for a lot of women who have divorce. And that's probably the reason I pointed out is like if anyone out there really does feel bad that they got married, especially those that had felt really good about the decision, like then it's just, it's just a bunch of noise in your head. I mean, to me, it doesn't even make sense that somebody would have to forgive themselves for, making an effort to marry and then it didn't work out. and then I think the hardest message for Heavenly Father to get through to anybody is, Hey you need to get divorced. I think, you know, so many people stay in cruddy marriages because they just can't do it because of all the culture of, you know, whatever it is they believe in. But anyways, back to your question, I look at that differently as far as I I want somebody that's on the same page. not pushing me in the slightest to, have pre-barital sex. Like, I don't, I don't want that at all. And I have heard this from many people, know, there are plenty of predators out there. Don't don't let him in. Like if you're pushing a guy off of you on the first date, get them out of your life. That is not going to change. There are some really creepy dudes out there and sadly I know some. Like was something I did not struggle with. It was like, no thanks. Goodbye! But there are like, there's so many people out there that do struggle with this. It's like, well, you got to respect my boundaries. I've heard, you know, crazy stuff where even the girl was like taking the guy's hand and putting it places that it doesn't belong. And it's like, get, out. and some of those things can happen so fast. that you just instantly pull yourself out as fast as you can of whatever bad situation because the longer you stay in any bad situation, one of you is gonna break. You just don't put yourself in bad situations. So mean, to me, that doesn't even make sense. what was your original question about Procured or something? is more attractive. Men want to chase her more when she's not giving them intimacy right away. If she kind of makes him wait. If she makes him wait for marriage for sex. He'll definitely weed out some, but the ones who are sincere. when I would say even from a standpoint of most people in the world, even if it did make him want her more, he would just want her for a trophy. He would just, he would just want her to finally say, I kept pursuing, I kept chasing and I got what I wanted. You just don't want to put yourself.... Now granted, like if there's people out there they choose to have premenital sex, like that's, that's up to them. That's their choice. But if it is not something that you want to do and somebody is trying even in the first few times to do that, they are not your person. And if they are, it's not going to be them, John 1.0, it's going to be like John 2.0 or 3.0 or 4.0, like way after they make different choices down the road. and you're not dating them during that time. yeah, it's not going to be you guys together. It's going to be like, Hey, you, go do you, but this isn't, this isn't happening. So. So lie number three is that women and men are the same. What? Women and men are the same. Women can be men, they can do men things, their emotions are the same. equal level Our bodies are the same too in some cases. Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. like, Women can be friends with benefits with a man and a man can be friends with benefits with a woman and their emotions are not going to get attached and women don't get attached just like men don't get attached. Yeah, and I wanted to actually read the content about this because it's just, it's very profound. If you get one thing out of this, this is it. Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, again, it's from this book, Unprotected: 20:57

Neuroscientists have discovered that specific brain cells and chemicals are involved in attachment. And I think most of have heard this, but this will give you a very clear idea of what this means. The chemical that women need to know about is called oxytocin. It's a hormone. a messenger from one organ to another, with specific tasks. In this case, it's sent from the brain to the uterus and breast to induce labor and let down milk. Not a surprise then that oxytocin is also involved with maternal attachment. A female rat injected with it will bond and protect another female's young as if they were her own. More relevant women is that oxytocin is released during sexual activity. This is the same chemical that flows through a woman's veins after she nurses her infant, promoting a powerful and selfless devotion. its intention is to bond. So when this happens and it's casual sex, hooking up, one neuropsychologist put it this way. You first meet him and he's passable. Like, eh, he's not that cute, right? The second time you go out with him, he's okay. The third time you go out with him, you have sex. And from that point on, you can't imagine what life would be like without him. What's behind it? Oxytocin. So it gets to the point where just seeing this person will surge of chemicals will go through your body. Even if, even if at first you have really not that much in common, but you allowed yourself to have sex with this person, you bonded chemically to this person. And that bond is especially potent the first time. It gets weaker and weaker as you have multiple and multiple more more and partners where if you have enough partners, it will stop working altogether, which is a total other conversation altogether. But the oxytocin also creates trust. So it could cause you to trust someone who maybe isn't really that trustworthy. You just wanted to hook up with them for a night and it's not that helpful. No, I'm thinking of, the greatest pain I've ever felt in my life was the ending of a relationship, even if it was like a week long where I was intimate with that person, and the greatest pain I ever felt was that kind of ending. And I had to sit down one day and ask, why is that so painful? And this was during the time where I was trying to figure out what God was talking about with like Sin and I don't like the word sin at all to be honest Yeah, it has a very negative connotation, but when we say sin here, we're talking about the things that hurt us. The pain. Yeah. That was brought up with these relationships and the most pain I've ever felt was after ending a relationship even once I knew that that man was just, not a good person, terrible things, it still hurt and I think it had to do a lot with that oxytocin, that bonding because we attach to them. And men don't do it as much. They don't do this like women it's easier for men to go from girl to girl to girl and not be as affected. I'm not saying it doesn't affect them. I'm sure it does. But that it's just absolutely powerful for women. That's why women stay with their man. And men, it's more of the sexual drive. I think the way that we were created biologically different is that the man will keep coming back to his woman because he needs He needs that fulfillment and that makes him want her. Whereas the woman, it's like, one and done I am yours. Chemical bonding. No, you just just got me thinking first of all my favorite different definition of sin is missing the mark. It's an archery term. So it means you just you just missed the mark. It's not I think we turn sin into such a big deal. And granted there are some sins out there. They're probably worse than others far as the recovery time, but like if we just understand, okay miss the mark; I don't have to feel all this guilt all the shame all this everything.... you don't think that generally comes I from Heavenly Father I think generally is like, Hey yeah you made this choice; you messed up. Next. You know it and so often we're just more from you've made a choice that God has said, Please don't do that; it's going to hurt. And by using our agency, he automatically respects that agency and will step away and then other things will come in and those voices are experts at guilt and shame. And until we're willing to turn back to God and say, I need help, please help get me out of this, then He can come back in. And it's how long do we want to suffer before we ask for that divine help. What I ended up coming to was sin is that which hurts myself or another person and to take a step back and I can see that you know missing the mark it kind of hurts sometimes and if you're hurting the board and you hit something else, you're like, I didn't want to damage that. Oops. want to do that. When it comes to was doing, there was no intentional actions to hurt them or myself, but that was the outcome. Every single time, that was the outcome. And it had nothing to do, with me being a bad person. Exactly. It's just a person learning. A person learning. Well, As you were talking about like the bonding made me think it's like, maybe that's the reason a woman will stay a partner that's even abusive because they just feel that bonding so much with them. And maybe even to the level like some women, even when they're raped and stuff, they won't, you know, go against their accusers, you maybe because of that, you know, maybe it's just, and like, I don't know. that trauma bonding as well But I think you definitely hit the nail on the head. I think there's some truth to that for sure So it comes to violations within marriage, when that person you have married chooses to violate the spouse in that way. There's a lot of psychological... worked as a victim's advocate. So I could dive into this conversation very in-depthly, but I'm not going to, because that's not what we're talking about. However, yeah, it plays a role. This woman trusted her husband, who then violated her, and she had a hard time reporting it because of that bonding. He would never do that to me. Our brains are made to forget the trauma, to protect us. It's the same way we bond with people because of these chemical dumps that we get when we're intimate with somebody. When there is violence within our lives, our brains releases a different kind of chemical to protect us and our brain will... in a sense, help us to forget that pain because that's uncomfortable. You don't want to be carrying that around all the time, but eventually you have to process that. And that's where Joseph and Aubrey come in. I'm a shameless plug here, but Aubrey is a coach well as Joseph. So I'm going to be including their information notes of this podcast. Absolutely reach out to them. They can help you process through some of these traumatic events. But the next thing on our list is the lie that women are just as likely to get AIDS as men are. And this is actually good news for women. According to HIV.gov, looked it up last night, heterosexual women account for about 15 % of new cases every year. So that was actually higher than I thought, but still pretty low when you look at the big picture that 85% are going to be males. In 1989, 21,000 men in New York City were sampled who had HIV, and only eight were infected by a woman. And why is this? Women are blessed with a vagina, which has built-in properties that help protect her from infections. To begin with, the pH is very low, so it inactivates the HIV. Its lining is also 20 to 45 cells thick. Yes, infection can happen there, but it's not very common. It would have to take an open sore, an infection, cancer cells for this to happen. The rectum is very different. And you see, most of the HIV commercials that I have seen, they're targeting gay men. And there's a reason for that. The primary function of the rectum, on the other hand, is not protection, it's absorption. The pH is much higher. So does not inactivate the HIV and the rectal lining is one cell thick. But they're also learning that you don't even need for that to be disrupted for the HIV to make it into your system and this is why. It has these things called M cells in there, which are abundant in any human rectum, especially a healthy one. Their function is to bring a sample of foreign potentially dangerous particles for identification and response by the body's defense system. An M cell wants to attract microbes, so its surface is sticky, and then it folds over a virus or a bacteria, engulfs it, and then brings it inside in a pocket. That pocket then moves to the other end of the M cell to immune cells that process the microbe and determine the appropriate response: Ignore it or rally against it? And with HIV, we know that's the last thing we want. Because that subverts the the M cell becomes this express lane for the invasion. The virus is packaged up, transported and handed over to immune cells that are the same ones that are going to be the target cells of this virus and cause the disease so there are no M cells in the vagina and so that's the good luck for women but what's interesting is that this was made an equal opportunity virus by the CDC because they couldn't get funding for the research because people were seeing this as a disease that wasn't their problem, was punishment for immorality and these types of things. And they wanted to appease the public and get them to be more responsive to get the medical research they wanted so they could make the drugs and sell them to the people that they wanted to sell them to. So they paid Madison Avenue, it's an advertising firm, to make this publicity possible. Life Magazine published an article called No One is Safe from AIDS, Oprah had an opinion on it saying that she thought that heterosexuals were going to be infected in the next few years and yada yada yada. there's a lot of women who are scared of this virus or scared of passing on to their infant. 1% of thoseinfected do this anymore because of the interventions that are available. So it really isn't as much of a woman problem unless you're using needles or doing those things that most of the people listening probably aren't doing? I don't know, maybe? just interesting information, you know that... very well into the next lie that you have on the list though. Is there such a thing as safe sex? That is the next lie. That sex can be safe. And we're just, I'm just going to lay it down for you. The only safe sex is if you have sex with one person who has never had sex. That is it. The end. Obviously that did not happen for me. That did not happen for Aubrey. We, we, uh, this, is still a reality for Joseph. Bravo! But the university campuses, government websites, all these foundations that come in and teach sex education, sometimes they're telling people that safe sex means limiting your partners, using condoms, and getting tested. Okay, bonkers, that's absolutely chaos. Listen, listen, STDs are a thing. I was talking with a friend a couple of weeks ago and he was all like, everyone's just telling me that I should just go and sleep with like 18 women to get over that one person and I'm all like, ew, Like he truly thought he could go sleep with 18 women and get away with it without having an STD. I just don't. And HPV. I mean, which there's vaccine for that now. I wouldn't recommend getting it, but it's so contagious that if you are sexually active, you're going to pick it up from one of your first partners and it'll be fully fledged in couple of years. You could possibly be contagious for the rest of your life. It leaves blisters that won't go away and it's nasty, but it's extremely contagious. A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of people have that. And and some that don't know it and they're passing it around. But that's why they say get tested. But then what are you doing? Just, I'll be celibate now so I don't get anyone else sick. It's like damage control after that. It's not even safe. yourself before and after every person and then it is control luckily I don't have announcing this on a public forum I don't have HPV but that is luck right there. That is sheer luck. I don't know who any of my exes were previously with intimately Yeah, and even sleeping with one person who's had sex with ten people who each had sex with three, it's exponential. You're getting all of that. Yes. And I would even add, especially if somebody's trying really hard to sleep with you, there's probably a good chance they're a liar. Like, if they're willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. So if you ask them, like, Hey, do you have, whatever, probably gonna lie. Like, I've just learned these days that... like how many people have you slept with? Not that many. Men have a really bad memory about that, I've learned. Sorry, say that again. person I knew had like war trying to sleep with not war but like competition with somebody many women in a week they could and I was not part of that but it blows my mind because a lot of these STDs that we look at like HPV, an equal opportunity for both genders. And then we have chlamydia, that affects more women than it does men, mostly because men don't know that they have it. Men don't have symptoms with that. And then they're off having sex with 50 women in a two week timeframe, because they're having a competition with another man and they're passing that chlamydia because they don't know that they have it to all these 50 women and you think that Condoms are going to protect you from it condoms break Condoms break and they could have it in their mouth they can pass it in multiple ways Well there's not... Condoms aren't going to protect you from every STD out there. There's plenty that don't require that. But yeah, and I think as well, like what we were talking about with bonding and they're never safe for anybody because if you're having those experiences, those experiences really will affect you for the rest of your life. know, Then there is, the atonement of Jesus Christ. And I don't know how that necessarily heals our body, but I do believe in miracles and I do believe that He can do all things. But at the same time, I would actually recommend that if somebody's getting married, to both get checked out. Even if you've never been with anybody, to just make sure everybody's good in that area, so you know what you're getting into. And to have open discussions with both people in the room with the same doctor and I just, I think we live in a world where you just have to watch out for yourself these days. And it might sound a bit harsh, but it's why I would definitely rather know ahead of time what I'm getting into. But yeah, and again, I'm going to double down on most people are liars. And if it doesn't feel good to be around somebody, Define good. feel peaceful, joyful, happy, and if it just feels a bit off, a bit creepy, like there's people that I know even in the single scene that just come off a bit off. I'd heard some stuff from people and then I found out from some more people, yeah, they do this and this and this. And I'm like, makes sense. Yes, do not ignore it. miserably at this one too many times because of my compassion and I wanted to assume the best in people and everyone is good inside, those kind of thoughts where that's all well, fine and good, but I don't have to be with them. If there's something off, move on. Save a lot of time and pain. So the next discussion point before we get into the last couple of lies is how these, and I know we've touched on it, but how this impacts our relationships, our marital relationships in the long term. There was a study that you shared with me, Aubrey, where ultimately they took samples of people from the 1970's, 80's, 90's, 2000's, and 2010's. Thetakeaways were essentially that for all three decades or all the decades surveyed, women who were married as virgins had the lowest five-year divorce rates. Now I would have fell into that. I divorced at year 10 because probably what Joseph described is I was very committed. I wanted to do the right thing and that's virtuous and good, but there's a point at which you have to take a hard look at, reasons to get divorced sometimes, but in this study it was five years. For all three decades, the women with the second lowest five year divorce rates had only one partner. So that one partner was probably the person they married. Not necessarily, but yeah, it would have to be. No, it wouldn't have to be because it was talking about premarital sex. Because if you had sex with them after it would still be one. So it's that that could that could be either. But that was the second best outcome. And probably because of that bonding, right? And then the highest divorce rates were associated with marrying after 2000 and having more than 10 partners. is, but it was the crazy one... But I was like, wow, that is weird...was that having three to nine wasn't as bad as having two. Like the divorce rate was better for those who had three to nine partners than it was that had two partners. Now after thinking about it, I realized that does make sense. because had a relationship with a guy and you bonded to him, probably got into a relationship right after it as a rebound, married that guy. But you're still bonded to the first, a lot stronger than thesecond. Rebounds.... There's a lot of psychology behind that. You don't want to marry your rebound. It doesn't usually go very well. So those are my thoughts of why that might be the case. But it was almost as bad as the 10 and above. like two people was almost as much divorce as 10 partners or more prior to marriage, which I found really interesting. My thoughts for the two part is if there's only two, you might consider one so much better than the other that you're like, you're like, oh, it was so much better with the first person than the second person. So, um, maybe the third person will be better. Impossible. Not a very healthy way to think or go about it. No. But person who had only the one, they don't have anyone to compare it to. you're my person, you're my person, you're my person. And think we're at four. Lie number four is that living together before committing to marriage is the way to go. You want to test it out first. So with me, I once was being pressured teacher who I decided to try to date and it didn't go. But he was my teacher in college. Yeah, yeah, sorry. It is significantly frowned upon. Well, Yeah; so I did that. teaching you a lot of things. He must have been teaching a lot of women is probably why it didn't work out very well. Very possibly, but there are a lot of boys in my class, so I was one of the only available women. Firefighting class. So anyway, his reasoning skills about this topic, because he was trying to tell me that, you want to try it out before you commit to somebody, and his example was, well, you wouldn't go and drive a car without test driving at first. And I'm just like, do you want to use any worse example? I What do you do with a used car? three, five, ten years down the road, it's not as nice anymore. You take it in and you trade it in. Sorry, but that clearly is not applicable to what I want in a relationship. That is the stupidest, but I've heard that analogy many times from many men. But the odds of divorce are actually 1.31 times higher for women who cohabitate, which actually originally surprised me. Yeah. Say that one again. Across all years examined in this particular study, which was not in the book, it was somewhere else, the odds of divorce were 1.31 times higher for women who cohabited prior to marriage. And you'll find all kinds of different odds in different studies. Another study showed that it was more correlated to immature behavior, cohabiting at very young ages and not being ready for a relationship. But you go back to waiting before marriage if you're not ready to commit, then not ready to cohabitate either. I think it's kind of irrelevant, but that was another thing that was coming up. possibly that meh commitment, you're going into it like, we'll try it out. And then you decide, well, let's get married. But there's still, think, that subconscious of we're trying this out versus people who commit fully, marry, then move in. It's more of a we're doing this. When it comes to a lot of the self-help books that I've read for creating your dream, the business of your life, the dream you want, your manifestation, they talk about going all in and removing all other options from your life. If you have no other options in your life, you will then succeed at what you are going after. And for some reason, they seem to forget that marriage and the goal and the dream that you have for marriage falls in that same sphere of manifesting. If you keep other options on the table, obviously you're not going to be giving your all to that marriage. And if you think that I'm testing out by moving in with this person to see how we live together, and if it doesn't work, I have other options. Obviously it's not going to work out. Even if you do end up getting married, you still think you have other options. And some of them do work out. for you. But it just goes with the delay the gratification. Joy is usually a result later. Yeah, and if you're going after that beautiful dream, like for me, I have this desire to marry somebody I'm going to be with for the rest of my life and I'm not going to necessarily put everything that I am on the table in those first couple of dates. It's going to be a journey and I'm expecting Like if someone's not ready to fully commit. like 15 years in, they're gonna be surprised at parts of me that show up and I fully expect myself to fall in love with that person time and time again as I come to learn who they are as I hope that they would do for me, fall in love with me time and time again as they come to learn the unique parts of me that pop up throughout our marriage and that is what... I want on the table and if somebody's saying I want to test you out to see if I like you, they're not going to get the whole me in those first couple of months of living together. So why test? Why not jump all in When you said that, I was thinking about my husband. He's said more than once, but you didn't do this when we were dating. Surprise! I'm not perfect. And we do, go through periods of time where we're purging or releasing, we're evolving, we're learning, and we're going to be a different person a year from now We grow. we grow every, We're a different person every single day we wake up, we're developing into someone different. So if you're not coming together on a regular basis and falling in love again and again, like you said, going to grow apart. We were talking before we recorded this and telling you a story about my son 11 years ago when we were potty training him. The woman I was 11 years ago and the woman I am today, I look the same, but you wouldn't recognize me. Who I was then and who I am now is completely different. And I love who I am today. And I would love to have these stories and this journey with somebody who wants just the same thing, not just to test me out for a couple of years and then get married. I wonder if there is statistics that show how many people get divorced after the first year of marriage after they've lived together for a couple of years because there's a lot of couples who live together for 10-15 years, they get married and then they're divorced like a year later and I see that happening. A very strong message from society to a lot of people. They're like, well, maybe we just don't ever get married. Again, I think that that's possible. You can have a very good life that way. However, the ultimate joy can come from a fully committed relationship where you are all in, if you are not yet married, one or both of you is unsure. and if one or both of you is unsure, have no business doing those things. It's just going to cause, again, pain. It's not because you're bad or because you're stupid. It's just that there is higher law way of doing things that actually works pretty well if you're doing it with, again, a person who's living that law as well. Yeah, it just amazes me that authors who write these amazing books about manifesting, you put all of your dreams on the table and you'll succeed. They seem to forget that marriage and joy within life is the same. If you have other options, you may still succeed. But if you put your all in, It'll be something that you never imagined in such a beautiful way. Yeah, jump all in. Life is too short to be lukewarm. Logically, I think there's some element of that that would make sense to people. like, You know you start, you date, you kiss, feel a connection, you feel a spark, you date for quite a while. So I can understand the logic behind it. But that being said, at least for me, I'm, very, religious. And so I know that Heavenly Father said you got to marry them before you do those things. Because of that, you know, I think that Heavenly Father probably knows a lot more than I do. And so I just choose to trust Him. Would those experiences be wonderful and awesome and amazing.... Maybe we never know, you know, but the thing I will say is I think people are worried about being compatible, but if it feels really good when you're spending time with them, when you're being with them, and especially these bigger decisions, I highly recommend, for people to go to Heavenly Father and ask and be like, Hey, would this be an excellent choice? Cause He knows all of our needs, all of our needs, you know, all the ones we've been talking about today and even the needs that we don't know we need. He knows all of it. And I would, I would much rather trust him; put my trust in him and be like, all right, you know what you're doing. And I really do believe if you have that really strong connection, if you really have that really good feeling with somebody, and especially if you've prayed about it and know they're the right person for you. You're The peace. Yeah. of the other stuff, the sexual life after getting married will work And we never know, nobody knows how it's going to be. Nobody knows exactly anything, but I would just rather trust in Heavenly Father and be like, He knows exactly what you're getting into. And so again, just recapping while some people would think, I must sleep with this person to know if we're compatible, you don't. just have to trust if you love being around that person, if they make you feel really good, really happy, and vice versa, then you can just trust wait until after marriage. it should work out pretty well. If you get two generally healthy people who are doing their best and putting God first, 100%, I don't think it can go wrong if both parties are putting God first. kind of my number one when I was looking for my third partner. And it made all of the difference. The intimacy we share is incredible. and I didn't know going in what I was exactly going to be getting. So can be so wonderful and so beautiful because you waited. if it's a struggle, there are lots and lots of things that can be done about that. There are sex coaches, books, you try, you keep trying with that person until you figure it out and all good. And my experience coming from somebody who has been intimate outside of marriage and it's been, again, I can't believe I'm saying this on a public forum, but I'm gonna say it. It's been almost four years since I've had sex, since I've been intimate like that with somebody. It's been four years since I've made that decision that I was gonna wait. And I can tell you that not receiving those oxytocin dumps, not being... bonded to that person the clarity I see people with after the first couple of dates is eye-opening and every single person that I ended up not going on more dates with due to that clarity has absolutely been worth it and I have not felt the pain That emotional turmoil in the last four years that I felt for the ten years that I was active outside, you know after my divorce It's been truly eye-opening and beautiful to see the difference. And while I'm not saying go on your own journey, learn your own experience like I did, if you could take my word for it from somebody who did experience that, it's not worth it to test the waters, to live with that person before marriage, because you as a woman, would be... bonded clearly. Well, yeah, and I think, too, women are much more likely to see a person and think This could be the one. And they want to believe that the person that they're on the date with could be the one. And the man's just like, eh, maybe she'll go on a second date with me. Maybe I can get sex out of her. They're not on that level. Whereas women, they'll fantasize all about being married in the future and How many times have we done this and it wasn't the one? Over and over and over and over again, justified doing whatever it is we're doing because we thought it was going to be the one and it didn't end up being the one. It's the joy that I feel like I will feel from waiting. My joy is as great as was my pain and my joy is something I have paid dearly for. Looking back, who I am, the value system I live by today and I I just didn't know how to set those boundaries to live by it. I desired it but I didn't set those boundaries but today I set those boundaries looking back every single man that I was intimate with which isn't a lot it's not like I have a huge list. I'm just gonna clarify that there you guys. It's enough for me to say that I would not have dated them. I would not have gotten into a relationship with them and I would not have gone as far as I did all of them had I waited because I would have been able to see clearly that they were not a part of who I wanted to become in my life. They were not going on that same direction. They didn't have that same love for Jesus that I did. They didn't have that same love for life and joy that had. in the same way. They had their own, but it wasn't the direction I wanted to go in, but I couldn't see that clearly. That love is blind statement is... oxytocin talking. And I was blind. And in the last four years, the men that I have said no to, because I'm human, I considered it. But then I was like, no, no, no, no, Aubrey, set this, we set this boundary. We set this desire. You talk to Jesus about this. This is what you want. So I continued to say no. And very quickly after normally in the past, I would have given in, I saw who they were and where they were headed. Thank you. And I'll add, I think even, and I could be totally wrong, like, I'm curious from a girl's perspective, when you kiss somebody, do you, do you create that bonding with them that makes it harder to let them go? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I kissed a lot of guys in between marriages. justifying behaviors that I wouldn't have done prior. It wasn't all out sex. I have regrets that I gave too much away. do think that there's definitely... You feel it when you kiss somebody. It's You feel all the chemicals surging. So think there's something there. We have oxytocin drops with holding hands. When you hold a hand, that's why therapist that I went to at one point in time in my life, he gave me this scale. And he says, if you get physical too soon, meaning you hold hands too soon, it stops this part of your growth of awareness of And so he gave me this scale of to know them to this point and then hold their hand, get to know them to this point and then maybe give them a kiss, get to know them to this point and then marriage and then sex. And it all scientifically based. The scale that he gave me. Married my current husband after three weeks of dating. Well, you just know. You know what you know. And sometimes you're not. We're all adults and we know what you wanted. That did not work so well the first two times, which is why I didn't tell my family about the third marriage until like six months later. They were like, wait, did you guys get married? Yeah, we did. But I was afraid they were going to be stressed out. So I didn't tell them. And it worked out fine. There's actually no correlation, believe it or not, or very little between divorce rate and how long you date. It's other things. Like you could you could date for a a week and get married and you could have the same result as dating for 20 years, for good or ill, it just doesn't seem to matter, which is kind of interesting. like We have been so amazingly made by Heavenly Father that before all this convoluted stuff comes in, and all this contaminated thought comes in from all kinds of places. For example, we've all seen the movies where somebody moves in together and they've got this montage behind them and this music and like, oh man, this is amazing. But if you know anything about movie sets, they're pretty much on a single stage and it's set up like a room and around them they have people holding mics, they have people holding lights, they have people holding all kinds of things and it isn't in the slightest bit romantic. It's just with all the music and everything. So we add all this stuff and say, oh, this is going to be amazing. Hollywood has definitely messed with, some of our heads you know, yeah, like, you know, our natural, but our natural state would just be like, well, I'm going to spend time with this person, man. I really enjoy spending time with this person. And it would just be this natural progression. Be like, Oh man, I really want to kiss this person. Not, not necessarily out of lust, but out of this really goodness I really want to connect even deeper with this person. and then One of my former bishops I love the way he said it it's like Joseph one time I was going on dates with my wife One day that I called it and I asked her out and she's like I have another date and he realized in that moment he's like you know what there's nobody else I want a date right now. That was the moment that he wanted to pursue an engagement. And then once you have the engagement, you're connecting on such a deeper level. Andthen once you get married, so there's this natural stage of progressions through relationships that because of our animal mind, essentially, that people have fed for so long horrible things. Fortunately, I've never struggled with pornography or those type of things. But for so many people that do, it literally alters their minds. people begin to be objects. so when we just come back to this natural state and just kind of notice where our thoughts are, okay, am I actually connecting with this person? Iwas engaged to this girl, just because you know the time my my sister was getting married my best friend at the time had just gotten married know so we ended up getting unofficially engaged and the thought in my head was well we're on officially engaged I might as well kiss her. That is not the thought you want to be having when you want to kiss somebody and so everything's just backwards because you know, of all our contaminated thought. and I concur that a lot of the media and things we're exposed to are kind of sabotaging our ideas of what that process should look like to our detriment. that is such a good explanation. Thank you for sharing that. Thelast two lies number five, is get your career going and make sure you have everything you want in life before you have children. You can wait as long as you need to. And this has been, I think, extremely damaging to women who think that they have all the time in the world when we're literally given a space of time where we can procreate. when you turn 30 your eggs turn 30 too because.... not 32 years old; they also turn 30 because you were born with all the eggs you're ever going to make. And that is it. At the age of 36, pregnancy becomes geriatric. That's what they call it now. Yeah. so geriatric pregnancy is like. there's literally a yearning inside of, think, every woman, whether she wants to believe it or not, where a lot of women get to a point, these super successful women, like lawyers, they're highly acclaimed, very successful, very wealthy, and they'll get to a point where they're starting to age. They're starting to get to that 35, 36, 37, approaching 40, and they start leave careers in droves at that age because they realize, they feel it. I'm running out of time. wanting to be a mother becomes so much more important than a career. And a lot of them look back and go, why did I listen? Why did I do that? Because then they're having trouble having kids. It's hard enough in our society right now with all the toxic things going on. it's harder to have kids than ever before. I am almost 41. I've been trying to have another baby and been having some trouble. And part of it is I'm 41. And the other trouble is just the toxins around us. So if you want your best possible chance of having a family, you have to do it within a window of time. like 20s like prime. I mean I know a lot of women don't want to hear that, but you are very fertile at about 20 to 30. After mid-30s, starts going down pretty, really fast I think. After about 39, The chances of conceiving each month decreases by about 75% compared to age 30. And the possibility of miscarriage is way up, tripled. Rate of a stillborn has doubled. The risk of genetic abnormality is six times as great and the baby is more likely to be born premature or lower birth rate. And the options for medical intervention, which granted, I know that lots of people are doing it this way And some are having success, some are not. I had a friend almost die from IVF. I met a woman recently this year who was 65 and she had twins. I was like, whoah, haven't heard of that in a very long time, but can happen. But IVF process, extremely invasive, extremely hard on the body.$15,000 to $20,000 each time you try. You often don't get it the first few tries. Clomid, I think Clovid, I don't know all the drugs, but Clovid is one of the fertility drugs. This was from a book that was written quite a while ago, so things might have changed as far as the drugs being used, but this particular drug, 20 years ago, $3,000 for one month, most do it for about six. Do the math there, and then you get about a 5% to 10% chance of getting pregnant that way. The frozen eggs is kind of popular right now with people who haven't... gotten married, which, cool. Like it can work. And the websites say it's about a 35% success rate there. However, other sources tell me that they're exaggerating because they want to sell you that process and that it's actually closer to 2.5% to get a baby from that egg. So the reality that we have to let women at least know your body aging and being as fertile later on is a reality that you need to take seriously if you want to have a family, especially if you want to have more than one. Some people don't want more than one, fine, but That's That'sall I really have on that and we don't really okay. know, I'm going to be very clear since I'm not a woman. struggle with this. They can conceive for very long time. So I'm not a woman, like, just to be very clear, so take whatever I say for whatever it's worth. So first of all, I do believe in miracles. mean, In the Bible, Sariah had a baby when she was like 80 or something. Zechariah's wife in the Bible had a baby when she was super And also, Thisisn't 100% in our control. The harder I want to go to sleep at night, the harder it is to go to sleep. So women put all this pressure on themselves to have children, and they try and they try and they try instead of, especially, they're married of just enjoying the process. I would think, keep, in mind I'm, I'm 40 and one of the five percenters, but I would imagine that that would actually be a very fun process to create a baby, but like people get so stressed out and then they go in and they have this experience that's supposed to be joyful and beautiful and be like, did we do it? Did we do it? Did we do it? Like what? test or no and then the letdown. I think there's definitely truth to that. Just enjoy the process. Ifyou don't conceive and you end up just being together you go the drug route like some people are so very successful then it's okay. Like you can have an amazing marriage not have children or you can adopt. I think the point of this I'm just trying to make is to not put childbearing on the back burner thinking that you have all the time in the world and to put your career first and I'm gonna get all of these things and all the money and the travel.... and To rather, consider putting family ahead of some of those things. Just to know what the statistics are, you don't have all the time in the world but some people don't have the opportunity to get married until later in life and so... other thing I'll add is there is back to what I was saying about the process of having a relationship and how there's just this beautiful unfolding that happens in all of our lives. We are being guided. We are being directed constantly. If we pay attention. Now there are times when people get, drawn into our lives that, We'll go back to your example of the people that are 40 that are just career women. There are some that have these amazing potential relationships that they want that they're putting off because they feel like they're being pulled in a different direction. But a lot of that's just the noise in your head. Like You get one single life. You know, I recently read a book that's called The Art of Not Giving an F and it was amazing. I put it off for years because of the title and one morning I woke up and the spirit said Joseph read that book. Okay. it's about not giving any more cares about what anyone else is doing in the world. You only have so many cares to give about what anyone else is doing. And so when it comes even to children, the more pressure you put on yourself to get into a relationship, whether you've not done that earlier in life and, had missed out on opportunities, no guy wants to be aggressively pursued just so you can have a kid like that. That's, that's no fun. That's no fun for anybody. And so it really just comes back to Where am I at in this moment? Cause You can't go back. It's like, where am I being guided and led now? If you're being guided and led now to go and have a relationship or you're married to try and have children then go do everything you can in your power but don't with like trying so hard like do it in a joy a joy yeah like do it a joyful manner and believe it or not you will get what you want so much quicker. It's like, you In the work that I do, I talk to people about helping them achieve their impossible dreams, but I tell them to do it in this way. For sure, if you want to go and find the relationship of your dreams, then let's do it. Let's go out. But I don't want you to be disappointed. I just want you to go out and do things and enjoy them and throw yourself into this game. As my mentor says, like, like your life depends on it, knowing that it doesn't. Like knowing that no matter what, like I believe that whatever experiences we don't get to have in this life, in the next one we'll be able to have them. I really believe that. And the more pressure and worry I put on anything in my life.... Do I want to have children? Absolutely. Morethan you could possibly imagine. Am I willing to settle to do it? Absolutely not. Like, I realized that like we put all this pressure on ourselves when stuff just isn't in our control. Is there somebody I could call right now and probably say, Hey, do you want to do this? Do you want to get married just so we can go have kids? Yeah. Would my life probably be a living hell? Yeah. It's just not worth it. And so like one person once asked me when I was on a different podcast, about hope. And I finally just had to tell him, My hope comes through Christ. Myfavorite title for Him is the high priest of good things to come because everything that I'm giving up in this moment, I will eventually get. And I just have to trust that and I have to take that to the bank because otherwise I'm just going to be miserable. You know, and so when it comes to even women, back to your original question, when it comes to them, having children later in life. I would say just trust Heavenly Father. If you're being guided and led, and I mean, I've heard people even have, dreams about, kids coming to visit them, like, Hey I'm supposed to come to you. Okay, if you're having those experiences or really, really desiring that, then go inquire of the Lord and say, Hey I'm having these experiences. What do want me to do? I just, the more we put our trust in God, the more our life works out. Couldn't have said that better. Thank you for being here today. We have one more. kind of a, ooh, the one that everybody hates to talk about, but that abortion is not a big deal. What were you thinking it was going to be? I don't know. I didn't think it was gonna be that I you want it to be. Nobody likes talking about this one. It's just yeah, it's just so political, polarized. both sides, they're very extreme, you know? And so some of the facts about this that women just kind of need to be aware of before they, you know, no judgment here, just throwing it out there that Planned Parenthood surprisingly gave these statistics that 28% of women reported more harm from the abortion than benefit. after having done it. 19% would not have made the same decision under the same circumstances. 20% were depressed. 1% had PTSD. Younger age predicted a more negative response and over half of abortions are under 25. And then with the passing of time, negative emotions like sadness, regret, and so forth increased and decision satisfaction decreased. So in other words, a month after an abortion, most women are still saying, Yeah; I'm really glad I did it. Two years down the road, a lot of those same women are regretting the decision. And it's just something to be aware of, that this is something that's affecting women terribly. And we're being lied about how fine it is, that it's not a big deal. The abortion, it's an easy process. That alone is a lie. If you look into what it takes to do an abortion on any level, it's not great for the body. So... all infants aside, feel very strongly about this myself, but we're not going to talk about that today. Really, it's just here's what women are reporting is happening. One of those things is post-abortion stress syndrome. It's very different. And if a woman suffers from this, they call it PASS. The concern for her actual health problem really validated in society much. She becomes more of a pawn in this abortion war because whatever she says, it'll be taken wrong by either side. That either you're a horrible person, you deserve this, or you traitor you. You shouldn't be telling women this, you'll scare them away from having abortions. And she gets told that basically what she's experiencing doesn't exist. If you go to a doctor and try to get help for this, they, lot of times will say, well, it's from previous things before you had the abortion and it's just being triggered and brought up. That's what a lot of women are being told. Basically, the drug companies that fund medical research are allowing disorder not to be diagnosed The research, the people doing the research, the drug companies doing the research do not want to touch it because of the political suicide they'd be committing no matter what the outcome was of the studies. It just wouldn't matter. You would be attacked by either side. So it's kind of sad The medical community won't even really address or try to help a lot of these women and the women just get to suffer after abortions there is there is a website that I thought and I looked it up It's 20 years ago that this was recommended; it still exists and it's called afterabortion.com and it's all of these women who you can chat with at any time of the day or night who've had abortions and they understand and they know and they've experienced and they can be of comfort and help and just kind of sit there with you these chats. And see it a lot like in the military. A lot of the times heard that people come from the military, especially combat, they'll come home and they'll want to talk about it and no one understands. it's just nobody gets it and so they'll isolate and a lot of times really bad things happen to these warriors because they have no one to connect to. So this afterabortion.com website was created to help women connect with no shame and just feel understood and supported during time after an abortion takes place. Thank you for sharing that. I don't feel like I'm versed enough talk about it, but I appreciate having those statistics and knowing that. And I like that you shared where these women can go in order to seek support for something that they may be struggling with. Because like you said, I can see volatile both directions would be for them. Right. I do understand a highly political thing, so I want to be very clear, not here on a crusade Because if somebody's beliefs, the interesting thing about everything is if somebody really believes something very strongly, that's what they believe. Like if somebody believes that an unborn baby is not a real person yet, like is not life, they really believe that. And at the same point, for me personally, like it's interesting. was somebody I knew that was in a class that I was in. for persuasive speaking. We had the same religious background, but they thought differently about abortion. And so decided to make it a talk for one of my persuasive speeches. I know, And so I plenty of study on it. Enough to do the talk and I never ever ever want to study it look at it again. It It is awful. It is horrible know, But if somebody doesn't believe that it's an actual life; if they just believe it's a you know, the tiny body has no life, they're gonna have different perspectives. But Atleast for me I Ido know an individual and they shared with me then I won't share anything to identify this individual but that they had an abortion many, many years ago and they would not make that choice again. AndI'msurethere'splenty of other people that fall in that category. I never knew that after abortion thing existed. Buteverybody gets to make their own choices. let you talk again, something else that just came to my mind. I watched a documentary in a theater long ago, and one of the topics, was on women and the lies they're being taught about, specifically abortion. And one of the biggest takeaways I took from that was that these women who agree to have abortions feel pressure into it. by friends and family, often boyfriends that don't want the responsibility or to pay the child support. more than anything, they felt like friends and people were coming to them when they said, I'm pregnant, I don't know what to do. We're suggesting abortion and saying, don't worry, I'll support you through the abortion, it'll be okay. But nobody, no one said, hey, I know this is hard. Having a baby is a big deal. When the baby's born, I will help you. I will be there for you. can provide babysitting. Whatever it is, here's some resources. They weren't getting any of that. And so they didn't feel like they had any other choice because they just didn't have any support. And to keep that in mind, if you're talking to someone who's considering it, that if they feel that support, there are so many things out there that people don't know exist, like the abortion website that we just talked about, and to give them that chance, that option, so that they're more able to make that choice. did remember something else I wanted to say You it's really interesting that if mainstream Hollywood media, whoever controls that wants to start plugging in messages I mean the word programming like TV programming was literally meant to program people and if you want to see some crazy stuff go back and listen to ancient radio episodes and they did the exact same thing. For example, if they wanted people to go out and buy war bonds, in the episode, they would make the characters go out and buy war bonds and say, support this and support this. And you go back and start listening to some of these things and it just starts to blow your mind because you're like, this has been going on forever. You know, and so especially with abortion, know, they started putting that into movies where they would actually show the characters, you know, going, and one of the characters recommending to have an abortion and making it a popular thing. And, sadly these days, most people's lives are really controlled by the TV, by the media, by all that. You don't have to listen to any of it. If anyone out there is struggling with thinking about having an abortion, You know, again, back to that really good feeling, think about and trust that. Theremay be very, very few cases, maybe in rape, maybe in other things that an abortion, that you might feel good about having an abortion, but I would guess most circumstances, you probably would not get that peaceful, joyful feeling about having an abortion. But just understand and recognize the media paints everything however they want it to be and it's all a lie. A whole other conversation topic, just to briefly discuss the media and programming. it's been on my mind how we don't see people praying on TV shows. We don't see people coming together as families for dinner, for breakfast, and supporting each other and praying together. And we don't see that connection to God in those programmings. But yeah, there's There's very few. There's a few. I think my mom said Blue Bloods was a really uplifting show where they did those things. But it's quite rare. I... drinking when things get stressed, people knowing the easy way to let go of what they're afraid of in their future. gratification and sort. So we need more content, people creating media that shows the other things. I appreciate people like Angel Studios, people are trying, they're people putting out good content, you just have to kind of find it. You almost have to dig for that material because the other stuff's readily available. So, But it's out there. appreciate you both so much. Saturday morning, good two hours of your life. I'm sure people are going to benefit from I hope that they'll at least think about some of the things that we've said today. And again, if anyone wants to meet with Joseph or Aubrey, tell us your websites. Where can they reach you? real quick, I got one closing thing to say. Just trust your own path. Trust yourself. Again, there is a natural flow, a natural progression that just happens if you just trust it. Like We all have this inner guidance system. I call it the spirit. You can call it whatever you want. If you listen, it will change your life. And so you can reach my coaching website is Joseph Anderson, spelled S-O-N. So josephanderson.co and then I've got a podcast called Happy N' Single so "Happy" then the letter "N single" that I just released the 200th episode for so I've done it for four years now And then on Instagram I'm @theitspossibleguy; So I'm helping everybody achieve their impossible dreams. Thank you. And Aubrey, where can they find you? My website is celestialmindsetcoaching.com and I wanted to just briefly say that coming from somebody who has done the whole process of very controversial word, "repentance." I deem it controversial but who's done that whole process.... For those who are considering it, looking at it, wondering why, why do I want to go down that road? Y'all, I am so much happier today than I was four years ago. My life is so much better ever since I made that decision to wait. And I would not change a thing. I would not change a thing. And if you're considering it, if you're looking at it, it's not an easy road to walk, but it's absolutely worth it. I agree. I agree. Thank you again for being with me this morning on the Overcome Depression podcast. I am your host, Jennifer Stirling-Campbell. See you next time.